As a mom of a 13-year-old girl, I have many challenges that face me every day. I actually sort of feel like Catherine Zeta Jones in "Entrapment"...remember the scene where she has to get through the room filled with lasers and does this completely unrealistic series of acrobatic moves to get through them? That is me with Charley. I feel like I have to move ever so carefully or I will hit a laser and all hell will break loose! And it could mean my untimely death!
Yes, it is a delicate balancing act. I want to be supportive, I want to allow her to be independent without clipping her wings too much, and I want her to learn how to navigate her way through life so that when she's not with me, she will make the right choices. It is so hard to do this though without being too protective. It's really hard to let go and not hold on the way you did when she was 8 or 9, or even 10-years-old. Life seems much more scary these days than it did when I was younger. We didn't have to deal with MySpace or cell phones or texting. We wrote handwritten letters and talked on the phone 10 minutes a night or until our parents kicked us off. And that was enough. We didn't need constant interaction with our friends. Truthfully, I would have found this completely exhausting (and still do).
I wish I could yank Charley back into time and let her see how it was when I was younger. But I can't. And when she says that I don't understand, I guess I really don't. I can't really understand how it is to be a teenager today. I can try, and think I might do a semi-decent job at trying, but I can't really know. All I can do is try to protect her as best I can without having her hate me too much. It's kind of like holding her hand and letting her run at the same time. Not impossible, but I guess she can only do it if I run, too.
As the father of a 14-year-old girl, I can't tell you how much I relate to this! You hit it spot on—that tension between giving them the wings and independence they crave and need at this age while not sacrificing your still important role as parent. What a confusing balancing act! My daughter is my "friend" on Facebook and I really saw some exchanges she was having with a friend of hers. She was being so obnoxious and, to my eyes, mean to this boy that I felt I had to say something. You can imagine how that went over. Turns out it was just some innocent flirting. At least in our day we could be as obnoxious as we wanted with our friends without our parents ever knowing...
ReplyDeleteP.S. That should be "I RECENTLY saw some exchanges she was having..." See, I'm too old for online communication! Where's my red pen?
ReplyDeleteAnd, who wouldn't like to have those buttocks?
ReplyDeleteNo, seriously, sorry for the rollercoaster ride of adolesence. Man, you are getting it from both sides--teenager and toddler.
Hang in there!