Saving Athena

This is Athena. She is 4-years-old and goes to the same home daycare that Oliver goes to. So far her life has been nothing short of heartbreaking, and it has made me and Charley so so sad. As I understand it, Athena's mom was really young when she had Athena. She didn't want Athena from the beginning. Apparently, she was kind of a partier and drowned in a local lake while she was partying one night. So Athena does not have a mother.

Athena then went to live with her grandparents, and they didn't supply a lot of positive reinforcement. She would act up to get attention, and they eventually decided that they couldn't handle her so they put her in the foster system. She was taken in by a man and woman who live in Barnstead. They had been trying to have kids, but weren't having any luck, so they decided to adopt Athena. She started calling them Mommy and Daddy. They then had their own baby! Weird how life works.

I guess life with Athena hasn't been easy. She has a lot of anger and attachment issues (can you blame her?) She's going to therapy for this, but really needs to be in therapy 3-4 times a week. She's started to be very aggressive and at times violent with her little "sister". Her "mom and dad" decided that they can't have a life where they are constantly worrying that she will hurt the baby, so they've decided that they need to give her up. She's going to end up back in the foster system. She needs to be in a household with older kids or no kids. And she needs someone who is willing to take her to therapy 4 times a week. That's not going to be easy to find.

She's really a sweet little girl. She sometimes has temper tantrums while she's at daycare and is very overdramatic, but Wendy (Oliver's caregiver), just leaves her alone and lets her work it out. Wendy doesn't yell, and she is very calm but firm--something Athena needs. Wendy also told me that her parents were trying to teach her some self-control in terms of her wanting to hug everyone she meets. She would go up to strangers and hug them...she's so starved for love. At the moment, there is literally no one who wants this child. There is really nothing more sad than that. And there is so much to love.

Charley and I are so sad about this. Charley said she wants to take her. I also wish we could. I just want to take her in and work with her and show her love and reassure her that I will never ever leave her. She needs people in her life that will be there for her forever. I told Charley that if we didn't have Oliver, I would seriously consider it. I think it would just be too much for me right now though with the baby. And not knowing if she would hurt him. So far, she's only shown aggression towards girls, but that could change.

My mom works with kids like this all the time. I've never had personal experience with one in my life, however. The worst thing is, I can see her future. I can see her being placed in yet another foster home and slipping through the cracks. I know she can be helped. I wish I could do it. I feel so helpless. Charley and I haven't been able to think about anything else since we found out about her situation yesterday. I wish wish wish I could help.

13 Going on 30

As a mom of a 13-year-old girl, I have many challenges that face me every day. I actually sort of feel like Catherine Zeta Jones in "Entrapment"...remember the scene where she has to get through the room filled with lasers and does this completely unrealistic series of acrobatic moves to get through them? That is me with Charley. I feel like I have to move ever so carefully or I will hit a laser and all hell will break loose! And it could mean my untimely death!

Yes, it is a delicate balancing act. I want to be supportive, I want to allow her to be independent without clipping her wings too much, and I want her to learn how to navigate her way through life so that when she's not with me, she will make the right choices. It is so hard to do this though without being too protective. It's really hard to let go and not hold on the way you did when she was 8 or 9, or even 10-years-old. Life seems much more scary these days than it did when I was younger. We didn't have to deal with MySpace or cell phones or texting. We wrote handwritten letters and talked on the phone 10 minutes a night or until our parents kicked us off. And that was enough. We didn't need constant interaction with our friends. Truthfully, I would have found this completely exhausting (and still do).

I wish I could yank Charley back into time and let her see how it was when I was younger. But I can't. And when she says that I don't understand, I guess I really don't. I can't really understand how it is to be a teenager today. I can try, and think I might do a semi-decent job at trying, but I can't really know. All I can do is try to protect her as best I can without having her hate me too much. It's kind of like holding her hand and letting her run at the same time. Not impossible, but I guess she can only do it if I run, too.

Cutting coupons

I'm always looking for ways to save money on groceries. I've tried doing the internet coupon thing many times, but always found it frustrating. Usually, when you find a site that offers coupons, you have to sign up for a club, or a newsletter, or agree to receive a lot of junk mail in your inbox. I thought I would try the search again today though and found a decent site where I actually can print coupons without signing up for anything!

http://print.coupons.com/CouponWeb/Offers.aspx?pid=13306&zid=iq37&nid=10

It's really amazing how much money you can actually save with coupons. I go through phases...sometimes I am very motivated and bring 10 coupons with me to the store. I might do this for a couple weeks and then can't be bothered. If I did it more religiously though, I would save so much more! It's really hard to remember all of the things you "should" do, isn't it. We're so bombarded with "great" ideas every day...it's impossible to do them all. But once in a while is good, too...at least we're trying!

Valentine's Day--What was I thinking?!

Yesterday I went to Target to go Valentines shopping. I generally buy about 10 valentines for various people in my family and also had to get some wrapping paper to wrap gifts for Chad, Charley, and Ollie. I went to check out...how is it possible that I spent $78?! Valentines now are around $5.00 each! There is something really very wrong with this. I sat in my car and looked at the receipt...I think I spent $40 on cards. That is just sickening to me. I was very close to taking them all back in and returning them. I thought "Why didn't I just make them?!" Well, there are a few reasons for this...1) No time, 2) No privacy, and 3) No energy. But still...I should have just made SOMETHING. Anything would be better than shelling out that kind of money. I vowed to be more resourceful in the future. This is not a time for frivolous spending like that. Just because I am overworked and overtired doesn't mean I have the right to waste money. The people I bought them for are totally worth it, but they are also worth having something handmade. And would probably like it better. I vow to be better! I do like Valentine's Day, but this makes me angry!!

Here are some tips for keeping costs down for Valentine's Day!:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/17051768/

First Blog!

I am very excited! I've started a blog called "On Golden Pond" and this is my first post. I chose this name because I live on Locke Lake in Center Barnstead, NH...my very own "golden pond". This is sort of a dream come true for me because I remember the first time I saw the movie "On Golden Pond" and the location where it was filmed seemed like such a beautiful and magical place...a place in which I would love to live. Who would have thought that a girl who grew up in Los Angeles would actually end up living in the location of her favorite movie...in New Hampshire of all places!

Everything about this movie was fantastic to me, starting with the music by Dave Grusin, who has since become one of my favorite composers. This score is truly one of the most beautiful scores in the history of film music. Sometimes I wish moments of my life could have this soundtrack played in the background...it would make all of those moments even more beautiful!

Anyway, I'm sure it will take me awhile to get into the groove of blogging...to "find my voice", if you will. That is one of the reasons I decided to start a blog. I used to consider myself a fairly decent writer...I used to write all the time, but everything going on in my life seems to have taken me away from that. I am hoping to reunite with my voice...I really want to find it again and at the same time, I can fill in those who are interested with what is going on with my family and life in the slow lane known also known as Center Barnstead, NH.